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Another Place to Need

by A.O. Gerber

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1.
Old Blue 05:15
blue i’m turning blue right in front of you can’t you see? red i’m pumping red all throughout my chest can’t you feel me? run i’ve got to run looks like you’re having so much fun without me i’m fine i’m so fine i’d just rather pass the time without you near me and all the things i never said the bleeding heart you’ve never met i let you walk away from it i let you turn your face instead but i’m begging you to let me in i’m begging you to let me in i’m wishing that i’d let you see the image that is haunting me the image that is haunting me the image that is haunting me the image that is haunting me the image staring back at me will you ever know this part of me? will you ever know this part of me? will you ever see the things i see? if you see it will it set me free? if you see it will it set me free? if you see it will it set me free? if you see it will it set me free? if you see it will it set me free? blue my old friend blue always sticking right by you holding all your truth my old friend blue
2.
Strangers 04:34
we were strangers for all of those years now we’re strangers of a different kind my dear so did you love me or just the idea? now i’m living one foot step away i feel further and further each day so did you need me to want it that way? do you think that i could stop reliving it? it’s so strange to think that i still have to live with it i have to live with it if i’d really seen you, would it have come as a surprise that you’d never value me over your pride? so did i know you or was it some other guy? so here’s to thinking it all meant more than it did and starting over with some other person here’s to making the same mistakes again and again and again do you think that i could stop reliving it? it’s so strange to think that i still have to live with it i have to live with it
3.
here i am again seems all of my life is deliverance i’m wading in the weight of it best i can and everything takes time that’s what they say, darling, isn’t it? but i don’t have patience for the pain of it anymore in the morning i’m gone traveling roads i know too well searching for the places i call myself i only want you in the evening time when this earth makes up her mind to die another day wish we could all go that way like setting suns on the horizon line wish i could drown this fucking heart of mine in that lilac painted ocean spreading wide wish i could find some way to pass this time instead of loving you
4.
Full Bloom 04:19
in the back of my father’s chevy i waited for cop lights to shine i was sure that they would he never made it mine like he promised he would he never made it mine now i’m running reds like i’ve got someplace to be the palisades will wait for me i never thought i would come and now i’ll never leave i never thought i would come and all the while i thought that i would never find another place to need you took me in the back room i waited to feel anything the city lights in full bloom i’m heavy with the weight of things took myself to the coast to breath the ocean air, to taste infinity i didn’t want to escape i wanted to believe i wasn’t trying to run that was a first for me home’s a word i’ve been using lately to describe so many different things of which my body’s not one keep wanting to believe i can make myself numb to insecurity but barely understanding is the only way that i have learned to see you took me in the back room i waited to feel anything the city lights in full bloom i’m heavy with the weight of things you took me in the back room i waited to feel anything the city lights in full bloom i’m heavy with the weight of things mother, brother, father have you ever seen the waves?
5.
Tell Me 05:03
tell me do you get up in the mornings without first checking your cell screen? do you start every day new? tell me do you make pancakes and coffee? if i don’t eat will you judge me? it’s just that my face is filling out and i’ve never known how to take care of myself in the mornings when defenses are high and i’m still dreaming things changed take care of myself in the mornings so i’m not erased every night when i go under covers i take off my clothes undercover it’s easier just not to see and the nights when i go undercover and touch myself under the covers i dream that you love what you see and at least when i come i can face into the quiet of the evening when defenses are low and i’m wishing i’d change and into the quiet of the evening i’ll be erased what do you think when you’re walking alone in the gloaming? i want to escape to the place where i live in your mind cause when you get drunk and say something about bowie i don’t understand but i want to and i think i feel your eyes getting tired of me and i want a love that’s embarrassing i want to know my own limits cause i want more than i know how to give so tell me do you think that you could love me? do you see something that’s something? or do you see nothing at all? and at least when i come i can face into the quiet of the evening for two seconds i’m drenched in a love that’s my own and into the quiet of the evening i’ll find home tell me can we make love in the morning? fuck eating pancakes and coffee i just want to drown in the light
6.
Every Time 04:36
in the midnight i fall you catch me you are always on call and in the darkness i can fool myself not seeing you were never there at all i’m never sure that you were real at all all this heat’s left me dry just wishing i could spend my evenings home crying and that’s the point of this whole mess isn’t it? keep finding new ways just to feel alive too bad that living always feels like dying what is there left to do but fall into the labyrinth of my mind? what would you have to say to make the fear evaporate? i need something to hold onto that isn’t you smoke your last cigarette i promise after this i’ll quit but the addiction’s only part of it it’s so much harder just to try to exist all this uncertainty, it makes me feel sick what is there left to do but fall into the labyrinth of my mind? what would you have to say to make the fear evaporate? i need something to hold onto that isn’t you and i’ve become increasingly dependent on your smile it’s the cul-de-sac that i forget to turn around in every time and it’s the picture i’m hanging on my shelf just like me to forget my health every time
7.
Bleeders 04:02
blue eyes tearing their way through my heart all your true lies i sentence myself, it’s the darkest part of your holy grip on me honestly i am alone honestly you are alone i’ve got bleeders uncauterized there’s the hole stick your fingers into its deep there’s no other side left to hold itself to me honestly you are my home honestly i am alone and all at once everything matters a little less oh sweet god of promises casting its shadows on doubt before i know no price to pay i will wake up where it’s warm and all at once everything matters a little less oh sweet god of promises casting its shadows on doubt before i know no price to pay i will wake up where it’s warm
8.
lately i’ve been sinking stones to find out where they’ll land i won’t ever get to see them but it’s a game i can understand and how long before we find light where we left it in the blinds? i won’t ever get to know you but it’s a game that i haven’t tried and it’s a cold stare you’re giving hanging out in the yard and it’s a bruised wine you’ve got me drinking outside this bar and all i know is all i’ve known lately i’ve been waking up to find i’ve been misplaced scattered longing is a stillness hanging over all my days and in false light i can see myself in you i just wanna know your secrets i just wanna know the truth and it’s a cold glare i’m giving sitting out beneath the stars and it’s a bruised sigh that’s got you thinking i know what i want and i am so deluded i keep on feeling this is all my fault again and again and all i know is all i’ve known
9.

credits

released May 22, 2020

Produced by A.O. Gerber and Madeline Kenney
Additional production on "All I've Known" by Jacob Goldman
Arranged by A.O. Gerber with help from Alex Oñate, Madison Megna, GG, Chris Pucher and Madeline Kenney
Mixed by Pat Jones in Los Angeles, CA at Honeymoon Suite
Mastered by Gus Elg in Portland, OR at Sky Onion Mastering

Recorded in various studios and houses across California and North Carolina from January 2017 to December 2019, but primarily at Tiny Telephone (in Oakland and San Francisco), peermusic in Burbank, Phil Hartunian's home studio in Studio City and Company Records in Oakland. Engineered by Danielle Goldsmith (Tiny Telephone), Kenny Tye (peermusic) and Phil Hartunian with additional help from A.O. Gerber, Madeline Kenney, Derek Ted and Jacob Goldman in their home studios.

A.O. Gerber - bass, guitar, piano, synth, vocals, wurlitzer
Alex Oñate - drums and percussion
Madison Megna - bass, guitar, synth
GG - guitar, vocals
Chris Pucher - guitar
Madeline Kenney - bass, guitar, percussion, synth, vocals, wurlitzer
Noah Weinman - trumpet
Sasami Ashworth - french horn
Haisem Khalfani - saxophone
Marina Allen - vocals on "Strangers"
Phil Hartunian - clarinet on "Full Bloom"
Philippe Bronchtein - pedal steel on "In the Morning"
Jacob Goldman - guitar, piano, synth, vocals on "All I've Known”
Scott Brown - bass on "Every Time" and "Old Blue"

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A.O. Gerber Los Angeles, California

A.O. Gerber is a singer-songwriter based in Los Angeles, CA.

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