1. |
Disciple Song
02:47
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Laying awake with your old guitar
Gripped between my fists
Thinking about how you swept away
All the lives I might have lived
And in your place there’s a marble eye
Accumulating dust
Present there in the way you were
Present with mistrust
Everybody’s laughing
I can’t see their eyes
Everybody’s watching
Everybody die
Arbiter of my worthiness
Arbiter of truth
Make me into a melody
I can sing when you are through
Pantomime my disciple’s song
Pantomime my death
Hope you got the good seats
Hope it’s worth the price of it
I can feel you laughing
Every time I cry
I can see the virtue
Draining from your eyes
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2. |
Walk in the Dark
04:00
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Every once in a while
I feel whole for once in a while
Take my dinner on the porch
Mind is clean though my clothes are worn
And I still like to walk in the dark
And I don’t mind not knowing what you are
Every once in a while
I feel whole for once in a while
And I don’t fear
Tell me do you ever
Want to stay like this forever?
Waste the current of our hours
Just because the current’s ours
We could feel the fall of autumn
Watch the leaves grow soft and solemn
While the waves are getting thicker
Feel the light give way to flicker
Drown it all
You won’t
I still like to walk in the dark
And I don’t mind not knowing what you are
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3. |
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Your head in the crook of my arm
Heaven’s not a word that I’d use for this
But my sentiment’s warm
I’m taking pains to erase it but I know it exists
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right things
Looking for the right
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right
In your car heading seaward
I can’t explain all the tears I shed
But my body feels violent
I’m taking cover in silence
Though I try to resist
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right things
Looking for the right
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right things
Looking for the right
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right
Your name flashing over my cell screen
How did we learn to connect like this?
I just wanna feel clean
I’m missing someone I knew once
Now she doesn’t exist
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right things
Looking for the right
I’m looking for the right things
Looking for the right
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4. |
You Got It Right
03:33
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I have six years down
In a solid state
But I still throw your words around
When they come to me
Dripping white paint
Lately I find myself
Torn between two minds
I know how to hide myself
‘Cause you taught me that
You got it right
When you said I was crazy
You got it right
You got it right
When you said I was crazy
You got it right
All my heroes dead
Couldn’t wait it out
So I kneel beside
Praise the blood-red stain
On my pillow
Keep trying to find myself
Framed between old lies
Trying hard not to hide myself
But you taught me that
You got it right
When you said I was crazy
You got it right
You got it right
When you said I was crazy
You got it right
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5. |
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Fill me up
I never know how to say enough
And they’re watching me dance like it’s an apology
So I stare at my screen
Text you something I know I don’t mean
‘Cause I’m bored and tired of not feeling anything
And I’m taking a walk to try and level out
Watch the blues shift to pink in the golden hour
Making dinner alone
Listening to songs that I wish I wrote
And I’m feeling reckless and insecure
You say you’d come if you could
And we both know that you really would
So I have to admit to myself I don’t want you to
So I turn up the music to drown me out
Go to sleep after two ‘cause I’m too scared of missing out
I will never follow through
Will you still trust me to?
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6. |
Hunger
02:51
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I’ve been thinking about hunger
How I eat when I am tired
They call that “transfiguration”
Make me into something wild
Turn myself into your doorway
Make you think it’s soft inside
Barbeque outside my window
While the world is still on fire
Wish that I could pay attention
Write it down so I don’t speak
Be the person you imagine
Cardboard cutout of the week
But I feel stupid for pretending
Tell myself to act my age
But in the mirror your face looks smaller
Am I the thing that needs to change?
Lonely hunger
Put me under
If I had met you in the schoolyard
When I used to own my name
Would you still know me as a child
Full of god and free of shame?
Now I see bruises where there are none
Coverup across my cheek
I fill my basket up with groceries
That I’m too afraid to eat
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7. |
For
03:45
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Telephone on the wire
I’m awake when you call
But I’m not around
And I can feel the weight of your need
Growing lush like a tide pool
In the waning of spring
More
More
More
More
You show up covered in blush
And we laugh till we cry
Choose a color I don’t mind
‘Cause I can see the light where you can’t
Say you’re counting your days
Did I take it the wrong way?
Or?
Or?
Or?
Or?
Speeding west on I-10
I can’t see the horizon
Think you found the wound in my chest
Two hands on it
But I see your right arm
Painted in a spiral
Something you will always regret
Bleeding for
For
For
For
For
Tell you I’d come if I could
But I’m doing my hair
With an ear full of metal
So who am I trying to save?
Is it you from yourself
Or is it me from the heartache?
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8. |
Just as a Child
03:44
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There’s a song that I wrote once about you but
It’s one that I never play
I promised I’d send it and never did
Well you wouldn’t understand all the words anyways
And you’d ask for the meaning a million times
Now we’re walking the short path
But it’s taking an hour still
Reach my hand out to brace you from falling
You meet my eyes and you tell me you’re not going down
And I know that you’re lying at least to yourself
Sure, you’re not going down
You worship freedom and certainty
In the temple you bought yourself
Well I want freedom for everything living
But you keep begging for me to please think of myself
And I’d much rather think about anything else
I’m so sick of myself
Light the candle and watch as it burns in its well
I’m so sick of myself and my reasons
And what if we just have the season?
So did I take you for granted
Or was I just as a child is?
Getting trashed at the movie you brought me to
Roll my eyes at the scene where you try not to cry
And if I take that for granted then what am I?
I still hate when you cry
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9. |
Noon of Love
03:45
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And after all our time is wasted
I’ll let it die inside my hands
Unburdened flower, not self-effacing
Still linger on this cold romance
I’ve traveled four ways on the highway
Often in light that frames the dawn
Dull cigarette, you pass it my way
Not breathing in or letting go
Oh, and now I’ve found
More is waiting in the limbs of the crowd
Ill to all I’ve sung
Hardened melodies I haven’t yet begun
Oh, all love is wasted
Passing hands like sunken fingertips I’ve known
And I eat time
In the most expected fashion
Hungry like the noon of love
Blind to all its codependence
Can we settle our scores for now?
Can we find the slow way in?
‘Cause I need hope
For the most familiar reasons
Hungry like the bird of prey
Flying southward for the season
I lose touch with all I’ve answered
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10. |
PFS
03:11
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Say I won’t disappear
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11. |
What Are You Reading?
00:39
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12. |
Only Mystery
03:11
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Show me what’s been on your mind
Say, “it’s only mystery”
The only lines you ever read
So I’m leaning in
To the pages I don’t have on you
Taking my time letting you do the things you do
When time’s the only thing that I don’t have
And who made sure of that?
Thought we’d find it hard to talk
You with both your eyes closed
Asking where you were
In the years I called our backyard home
Lost my tooth sitting in bed alone
Weep for the woman I’ve become
It’s all the good I’ve ever done
By you
Was I good enough?
Did I try to make the lyrics say too much?
Did I swallow it before you’d filled your cup?
Did I measure it the way you would measure it?
Am I measured enough?
So I won’t have to lie
When you’re gone
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A.O. Gerber Los Angeles, California
A.O. Gerber is a singer-songwriter based in Los Angeles, CA.
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